NERVOUS SYSTEM STUFF

When you’re in a relationship that is either toxic or maybe just not everything you thought it would be, and you stay when deep down you know you should leave—that is also your nervous system at work.

If you’re being abused or staying out of some fear (being alone, starting over, being a failure, letting someone else down, etc.) your nervous system will often use a different set of stories to make you stay.

It may induce guilt or shame for wanting something different or better. It can also create cognitive dissonance, which is the emotional discomfort of having conflicting or contradictory feelings. (“I love this person very much, but I’m not sure they are right for me and I might need to break up with them.”)

So our nervous system distorts things, even our own feelings. And if you aren’t being honest with yourself, there’s a good chance you may be unintentionally misleading your partner, too. This could keep them in a relationship under false pretense, where they believe the relationship is one way when in reality, it’s another.

If you’re staying out of fear, obligation, or guilt, (often referred to as FOG) it can lead to unhealthy dynamics, even if you love your partner. That’s not fair to either of you, and you’re both being harmed.

Here are the most common beliefs that help us justify staying in an unhealthy relationship. If you have thought these things to yourself, you may be staying in a relationship for the wrong reasons. (Click each one to see the truth behind the lie.)